She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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