He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
