u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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