What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
