he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
