I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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