dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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