this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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