Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
