where am i from again
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
