I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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