He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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