I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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