I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
