this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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