I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
