Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
