If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
