i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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