Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
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I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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