I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
