i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
