took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
