At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
