You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
