Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
