Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just googled if crying burns calories
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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