Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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