I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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