Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
