Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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