Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize