So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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