I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
