I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
