i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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