i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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