Betty ford says i'm here all night
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
