do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
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Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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