guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
