She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
