Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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