he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
then he tried to convert me to islam
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize