OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize