I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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