party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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