I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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