i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
