her vagina looked like bernie madoff
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
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You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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