YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
