rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
