So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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