Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
