Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
from now on my penis is your penis
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
