I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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