if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
