She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
