So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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