it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
