I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
