Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
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The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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