I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
