every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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