Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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