OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
