Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
