Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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