i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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