i already hear my dad disowning me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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