Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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