she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Let's get the cat blown out
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
