On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
