remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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