Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
