My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
