You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
